|
We have always maintained that a failed beer salesman would never make a good chief executive officer of a national airline but relatives of the man don’t make receptive listeners. Somehow or another these incompetents manage to slither under the wire to take their chair and wreak their havoc on an enterprise that in almost any other hands would turn a handsome profit. After all the song and dance about his inflated salary, his denied bonus incentive package and his proven ineptitude (both at his job and his fitness of character) the Sunday Times has exposed his cozy deal with an investigator hired to spy on his own staff, whereby the said private eye gets enough Voyager Air Miles to circumnavigate the globe more times than you and I will have breakfast during the next decade. And all this at a time when you and I are having the devil of a time exercising our Voyager Mile entitlement at all! Anyone who has tried to use these miles in the way that he or she thought was possible has invariably been subjected to ever-changing rules and requirements and reasons why it was not possible. But, once again this is another example of someone treating the Company’s assets as if they are personal property and getting away with it because there is absolutely no accountability. No explanation required. The fact that the airline is haemorrhaging billions matters little because all losses are billed to the taxpayer who in this case is predominantly white. But what does that matter because whitey stole it in the first place and we are only taking back what was ours anyway. So leave old Khaya in his chair, he’s only doing what everybody else is doing and he is old so and so’s favourite son anyway…..so he must be entitled….
|
A woman was in town on a shopping expedition. She began by finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful cocktail dress on sale in the second. In the third shop everything had just been reduced to a hundred rand when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition in the ICU. The woman asked the doctor to tell her husband that she was on her way.
As she hung up she realised she was about to abandon what was shaping up to be her best shopping day ever! She decided to squeeze in a couple more shops before heading to the hospital.. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her spree with a latte and a beautiful slice of complimentary cake from the last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling dreadfully guilty, she raced to the hospital. She met the lady doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband’s condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted very loudly, “ You went ahead and finished your shopping trip, didn’t you? You rotten, selfish woman! I hope you are proud of yourself. While you were out for the past five and a half hours enjoying yourself on the town, your poor husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It’s just as well you went ahead and finished, because it’s more than likely the last shopping trip you will ever take…for the rest of his life he will require non-stop, round-the-clock care..he will now be your entire career!
The woman was feeling so bad, she just broke down and sobbed and sobbed. The lady then chuckled and said, “ Just kidding, he’s dead, What did you buy?”
|
Man Fakes Orgasm
Torso, Spain – A man here has pretended to climax without actually doing so.
Frederick Nevis, 36, says that he realised he had made a mistake shortly after mounting a girl he had met earlier on the evening at a pub in the town.
“We started chatting, and it turned out we both knew a bit about horses, so we had a drink together. I didn’t actually find her attractive, but as we continued to buy each other drinks, I began to rationalise her plain looks and chubby figure, reconciling them against my rising libido,” said a sober Nevis when quizzed by friends Monday morning.
“What I failed to separate, and “I think alcohol may have proved the glue here, was that it was my own horniness looking for an outlet and not her attractiveness that motivated me to initiate a series of events that ended with her at my place in the roast chicken position later.”
Nevis claims that it was during the act of having sex, having stopped drinking an hour or so before, that he began to regret the decision he had taken.
“I just looked down at this prone picture of mediocrity and felt a bit queasy – I hadn’t even wanted to do this in the first place, and there she was, drunk, chunky and sweating, determined to have a great time… I knew that, unless I hurried, this had the potential to go on for quite some time. At first, I thought I could just get it over with, but pretty soon, I realized that I was quite drunk, and so would battle to blow my load – so I tried to figure out another way out – I couldn’t carry on, the longer she stuck around, the more attached she might get – my cardinal error was bringing her back to my place…”
Friends of Nevis describe him as easy going and amicable, none of those interviewed even hinted at the calculating mind behind the “smiling eyes” picture painted by those close to him.
“My next thought was to try and get emotional, maybe bring up the memory of a dead ex, or parent, but that could lead to hours of holding and talking – I didn’t want to bring out the rescuer in her… then I thought about pretending to pass out, that normally makes the hot ones storm out, but she may just stick around…”
Mrs Davis, Nevis’ mother, described Frederick as a very outgoing child, who developed into quite an independent young adult and was “not surprised he managed to find away to get that fat-ankled whore out of his house.”
“Finally, I settled on pretending to finish and suggest we go for a coffee… I know it’s an oldie, but a goodie – any tipsy big bird will agree to cake after a roll in the hay – they think they’ve been exercising, you see. So I made the face and grunted and rolled over, and she was so drunk she didn’t even notice that there was nothing in the condom – it was like I had got out of jail free.” |
